We were watching the special features for Pitch Perfect 2 tonight again. Along with the first film, they're a lot of fun, and I'm jealous of the people who get to make movies like that. The collaborative nature of it has to be incredibly satisfying. I know that when I was doing TV, it was the most fun when it was a crew of more than two (typically sports went that way).
Why haven't I done anything beyond some loosely (very loosely) cut quasi-documentary stuff? Mostly because I'm afraid that anything creative that I have to say is probably not very good. This is a huge blocker for me. It's hard for me to get over because I don't really know what the cause of it is. Almost everything else that I don't like and want to change about my personality I can figure out, and deal with it as I choose.
I don't have this issue professionally. I'm reasonably confident in my ability, and when my confidence is challenged, I'm generally able to do what it takes to learn or get it done and be successful. But when it comes to creative endeavors, I'm such a non-starter.
While I'm not one to make resolutions, I do want to resolve this. I want to make something, even if it's terrible. For starters, I'm going to do an homage to a certain Web series that I enjoy. It could be a little funny. I'm trying to come up with some ideas for a short as well, but I never manage to feel out anything beyond the first act.
There's a segment of the voting population, particularly the Obama haters and Trump boosters, who don't really understand their own government. I'm not sure that it's willful ignorance. I think maybe they just don't know.
The chorus that says "Obama is ruining the country," and let's be honest, Obama hasn't really done much of anything, suggests that he's going to take your guns and going around Congress and whatever. That's giving him too much credit. I may not always agree with him, but the dude is a Constitutional lawyer and professor, he knows his shit. All of the nonsense about executive orders is silly, because the orders have to be lawful under existing law. They can't change or subvert the law. Heck, the only president to issue fewer orders in my lifetime was the first Bush, while Reagan issued the most. And as is the case with any rule making (rules are issued by all kinds of agencies, like the FCC, FAA, CSPC, FDA, etc.), the rules can and are often challenged in court. Checks and balances work.
And the Donald? Dear God, he has no idea what the Constitution is. You don't get to just do anything once you're president. That means you don't get to repeal laws on "day one," because only Congress gets to do that. You don't get to declare war, because Congress does that. You don't get to replace Supreme Court justices, and even if you do seat one, their job isn't to pander to you, it's to scholarly interpret the Constitution. If you believe any of that crap, you're about a hundred steps behind the immigrants that you hate so much. They had to know this stuff to become citizens, whereas you just had to be born here.
The structure of our government moves very slowly. Sometimes that's frustrating, but given the reactionary stupidity that a lot of folks want to enact, maybe that's why the founding fathers made change a little harder. Things like abolishing slavery and enacting civil rights took entirely too long, but we got it sort of done (still a lot of work to do). It's odd that we spend so much time worrying about the executive branch, when to me it seems that it's the legislative that's doing the most damage. I guess it's harder to attribute that to the hundreds of people who make up the branch on the hill.
I went in to Best Buy last weekend to spend a gift card. I honestly haven't been inside of one probably in a few years. Honestly, I can't believe that Best Buy is a thing.
Since it's been so long since I last saw the inside of a store, I have to tell you that I was first struck by how small the media section is. It used to occupy the middle 50% of the store. I spent entirely too much money on CD's and DVD's back in the day there. Obviously these days I buy music as MP3, and movies I buy mostly from Amazon, and now and then I buy digitally. But now, CD's occupy a short row of racks, and the movies are maybe three short rows. Video game space is still fairly respectable, but it's striking how there are brands buying big pieces, like Disney Infinity, Lego Dimensions and Guitar Hero.
As far as media shopping goes, honestly the experience was crappy. I can get any of that stuff online at Amazon for less. Heck, even video games I'm starting to lean toward digital purchases. The only win for getting the physical media is resale, but considering I buy maybe four games a year, and never part with them, it's a non-factor.
Much of the space these days is dedicated to selling mobile phones, which is not surprising. It's right up front. I avoided that area. I went right over to the TV area, just for fun. It makes me sad. Here they have these massive 4K TV's. What are they showing? Highly compressed video, with big chunky artifacts. If that weren't bad enough, they're all set to crush the blacks and crank up the saturation. And then they all do the ultimate sin, which is use that goddamn frame interpolation. That's where the TV takes two frames, normally 1/24th to 1/30th a second apart, and fills in the space with extra frames. It makes everything look like a soap opera, and I hate the way it looks. It's distracting and movies in particular, normally shot at 24 frames per second, look bizarre. This is not a feature, it's shit.
When you wonder back to the computer area, things are actually a little better. The pricing isn't great, but at least you can touch stuff, and they have a pretty wide variety of merchandise. Clearly Apple and Microsoft feel people are coming here, because they both buy a lot of space in the stores. So you can play with a MacBook Pro or a Surface Book. There are plenty of Best Buy Minions to answer questions, too.
Still, I can't get over the terrible presentation of the TV's. And the worst thing is that it's probably not their fault, it's the consumers who don't understand what quality is. Mind you, I had a lot of practice eye-balling color bars to adjust monitors on my previous profession (and my current TV does gen bars!), but you would think people would understand that erased detail and glowing red isn't optimal.
In any case, yeah, Best Buy is still a thing.
A friend of mine was chatting with me about favorite music, and music that impacts you in significant ways in relation to significant events in your life. Of course we agreed that Def Leppard's Pyromania was one of the best albums of the 80's. No contest. Obviously.
But there are also songs that frame something in your life in a certain way. These aren't necessarily tunes that are universally popular, and maybe not even music you would ordinarily be into. Yet they find a way into your life and they stick with you. I have some favorites in a bigger context, mind you. "Sound" by James to this day challenges me to see the world and myself positively in it. "Shine" by Tracy Bonham reminds me to see the good and beauty in people that I love.
As one would expect, one of the most difficult things I've ever been through was divorce. The split itself was hard enough, but the reconciliation with the person was only half of the challenge. (In the end, we remain friends, something I'm eternally grateful for.) The other half of the challenge was learning to understand myself in the context of relationships, and how I derived my own value. In that case, the thing that got me through was Life For Rent, by Dido. To this day, it seems extraordinarily unlikely that I would find the album, let alone love it the way I did. I suppose I gave it a chance for a shallow reason, like thinking Dido is cute, adorable even, but I can't think of any series of compositions that tell relationship stories as well as that record. Starting with "White Flag," seemingly a refusal to give up, and ending on "See The Sun," a declaration of moving on, it's perfect. I spent a year at least listening to that a few times a week. The live version of "See The Sun" that she recorded at Brixton Academy in particular, which does not go out quietly, just stuck with me. The bridge is so perfect:
Do you remember telling me you'd found the sweetest thing of all
You said that one day of this was worth dying for
So be thankful you knew her at all
But it's no more
It was that sentiment that ultimately helped me out. The title track eventually made me realize that we have to make our own future.
Is it a bunch of sentimental crap? Maybe. I'd like to give Dido more credit than that. Music has a strange way of affecting me, despite declaring so much of it these days is garbage. (Except for Garbage, which is gold.) I'm thankful for music.
That damn this day in your life thing on Facebook is likely making me too nostalgic for my own good. It has been routinely reminding me of how small and cute Simon was just a few short years ago. It doesn't remind me of the diaper changing, the sleep deprivation, the difficulty communicating with him, the seemingly random vomit, etc. I do remember, however, thanks to blog posts, the anxiety about his development. He still has challenges, but things could have gone so poorly were it not for Diana's intervention, and the help of his therapists and teachers.
Today I had one of those days where I remembered more than usual, the changes in the evolving push-pull struggle of raising a child. I admit, I'm probably too hard on him at times when he struggles with things. I mean, food that's too hot (mac-n-cheese) or hard to crunch (a tough cookie) literally can cause him to meltdown, and I'm inclined to let him wallow in it. But then when he isn't feeling well, as he was today, I just baby the crap out of him. He's reached the point where he can independently shower, but today he wanted a bath, and he wanted me to come in with him and help. How do you say no?
I logically understand that he's not even 6, so he has a lot of years left of being a sweet, cuddle monkey kind of kid, but I already dread the idea that it won't last forever. On the other hand, he's at that age where all of this personality is developing, and it's funny, sweet and often silly. He's still excited to see me after work, and it never gets old.
I vaguely understood in his earliest years that they wouldn't last forever, but it seems like I was too damn tired all of the time to really appreciate it. Now that the feeding and ass wiping and bathing is a thing in the past, he's really at something of a golden age to need us and love us, but be more independent. I just wish I could slow it down a little.
A few days ago, I finished reading The Martian. I had been meaning to read it for some time, after hearing about it on a tech podcast, but after more than a year, my dad fixed that problem when he sent it as a gift. I don't read a lot of fiction, but knowing that it was sciencey, and that it would be a Matt Damon movie, I wanted to read the book before seeing the movie. Now I've done both.
I loved the book. The science stuff is all reasonably straight forward, in that it's the kind of stuff you would learn in high school for biology, chemistry and physics. The narrative is largely told by way of journal entries by Mark Watney, stranded on Mars, interspersed with more conventional storytelling on Earth. It works pretty well, and I think it was necessary in large part because it would be pretty dull to see the character's actions described without his own personality injected. I mean, a lot of his time is spent sitting around, when not having to "science the shit" out of his problems.
The film made a lot of concessions in the plot and detail, and as much as I'd like to be a purist about the book, I admit that for visual storytelling they were necessary changes. Interestingly, they left a lot of stuff out entirely. To an extent I felt like he got off easy in the movie by comparison. Major road blocks to him being rescued were simply left out. There was one change that really bothered me, and that was the final scene in space (the book ends with him en route with crew, not on Earth, as the movie showed it). They added a lot of drama that didn't need to be there if they would have let it play out as it did in the book. There were some minor science things they got wrong too, in particular the patching of the Hab (it wouldn't blow around with external wind, and he used excess canvas, not what appeared to be plastic wrap, which would not hold that pressure difference).
The casting was generally pretty good. Damon as Mark was perfect, as was Jeff Daniels as Teddy, the director of NASA, and Kristen Wiig as the smart-ass PR boss. I'm not entirely sure why they cast an African guy in the part of the Indian character who runs the Ares program. He had some great lines in the book about being Hindu and praying to more gods than others for the safe return of Watney. In my mind I had cast the dude who played the InGen CEO in Jurassic World. They did cast a few roles too young, including Mindy the satellite operator and Rich the astrodynamics guy. But you know, movies.
Still, I did enjoy the movie, and the book did pretty well in the suspense department. I can't be too hard on the movie for some of its choices. It didn't quite reach a "pander to stupid people" level, and I can live with that.
Have you seen the show Younger? It's on TV Land, and if you're not watching it, you should because it's hilarious. It stars triple-threat, Tony Award-winning, 40-something adorkable Sutton Foster as a divorced mom of a college student rebooting her life in the city by lying about her age in order to get back into the work force. While it certainly makes fun of Millennial and aging Gen-X stereotypes, it does speak to the different ways we act at different ages, and the expectations of others.
I feel like I've always been "younger," which is weird because right up through college I always felt like I was older. This could mean that I've been in my mid-20's since high school, in terms of my mental position. See, I still think that age is more a state of mind than it is a physical condition. When I say that, I'm talking more about certain fundamental ways in which you view the world. I think it enables you to be more optimistic, perhaps see less gravity in daily matters, conform less to expectations, etc. I realize that there are idiotic things that people do when they're young, but I'm not really talking about those.
What's cool about that is that every year brings more experience, and experience, if you really make it a point to learn from it, adds wisdom to the "young" perspective. It's a quality that I find attractive in people my own age, and they seem to be the standouts in our age group in terms of happiness and success at life. They don't seem beaten down by the world.
I think that feeling "younger" is probably the reason that Diana and I ended up being a good match, but I'm not sure what circumstances got us to that. I bet a lot of it had to do with being child-free still in our mid-30's. I tended to date younger before meeting her (she's the only date I ever had that was older than me), I coached teenagers, I worked with a lot of younger people, and frankly it's somewhat atypical to have no responsibilities beyond yourself at that age. There are definitely external influences.
The funny thing is that, now, with a kid, I want to see the world through his eyes more than ever. I spent some years seeing very little wonder in the world, and watching Simon be fascinated by the simplest things feels instantly familiar and amazing. I'm very grateful for this arrangement. I'll take being naive and optimistic over cynical and pessimistic any day.
I wrote before about how I was surprisingly happy with Google's Nexus 5X back in October, and how it made me realize that there was little point to also get a Windows Phone. I held on to Windows Phone for entirely too long. The surprising thing is that Android has changed a lot for the better, to the extent that I might call myself a fan. I even bought a Nexus 9 tablet, which I also adore.
But there is a strong caveat that comes with my fandom. It's gotta be pure Android. That's why I was willing to try it out, because the Google provisioned devices are free of any carrier or manufacturer stuff on top. No crapware or clever UI and OS tweaks, just the operating system. More importantly, it's updated pretty much in real time with Google's updates, so there's no waiting for the carriers or manufacturers. I think that's important too. Collectively, these conditions overcome the objections I had a few years ago, along with the significant improvements in overall UI language that they're using. It certainly helps that Google had LG and Huawei make really nice hardware. HTC did an OK job with the tablet, too (the screen being the key win).
The other consideration is that, honestly, I think the value around the competition isn't what it used to be. By that, I mean Apple's iPhone. I bought the first one, then the 3GS, before Microsoft bought my first WP. They were fantastic phones, out in front. The current iterations are also excellent, but I get hung up on two things. First, I feel like iOS hasn't really iterated in any meaningful way, especially in the context of the app launcher that provides almost no additional functionality. There is no equivalent to live tiles or widgets. The second issue is that the average iPhone is not $250 nicer than, say, my 5X. It might not be made of aluminum (that no one ever sees in a case anyway), but the camera is just as great, the screen actually has a higher pixel density, all of the same apps, for the most part, are available, and I get widgets and alternate app launchers. There's a serious premium to buy Apple, and with subsidized contracts a thing of the past, the value proposition is turned on its head.
The development story is better, for sure. Yes, I've done some experimentation with Xamarin and such, but even straight Java is easier to build with than the awful iOS native options.
I am surprised about the tablet situation. For reading and surfing, I was somewhat happy with my cheap 8" Dell Windows tablet I bought a few years ago, but even after the Windows 10 update, the browser situation still wasn't ideal. Edge is better than IE, but there's a lot of weird behavior still in terms of touching and input. Android's version of Chrome works entirely as expected, and it feels a lot faster. And of course, it also has solid, frequently updated versions of Facebook and what not. 8.9" is a little smaller than an iPad, and a little bigger than the Dell, but it's still feels like an appropriate tablet size.
I still don't think I would consider a device that wasn't commissioned by Google. I feel pretty strongly about regular updating, and you don't get that on the average Samsung device, for example. So I'm an Android fan with an asterisk. I just wish I wouldn't have waited so long.
Diana and I were talking the other day about what a "midlife crisis" is supposed to be. If you read something like the Wikipedia entry on it, it sounds like something terrible and negative. The stereotype is where you buy expensive cars, or get into hookers and blow. (She says she'll leave if I get into drugs, but didn't say anything about the hookers. Just kidding.)
In reality, I think that unless you hate your life, some of the things that you do as you approach midlife are more about the maturing process. For example, some may interpret someone leaving a "secure" job as a crisis, but why can't it just be a refocusing on things the person is interested in, or accepting that the old gig creates stress that they don't need? If someone decides to do an Ironman, that doesn't have to be a crisis, and maybe you do it because it's there. These are actions of a self-aware person, not someone in a panic to feel relevant or younger or something.
I find my own behavior and outlook to be changing, though it's hard to say if that's a function of age or being the parent of a young child in a thriving marriage. I'm really into being with my darling little family. I may not be typical, in that I'm more open to new experiences than I ever was at a younger age, instead of getting set in my ways (I largely credit Diana with this influence). OK, so maybe I want to do some stereotypical things like (finally) get a tattoo or something, but I feel like I'm having an awakening of sorts about what being a human being is all about. Life is rarely about missing the good old days (though I think I've seen more than my share of shit in life), and it's not about constantly looking forward to some ideal future state. It really is about how great the moment is right now. The next may not be as good.
No crisis here, just a better outlook.
I was reading an article (probably on HuffPo) where they interviewed a journalism professor or some such thing, asking why it is "the media," which I would not confuse with "the press," hasn't taken Donald Trump to task over, well, anything. They don't question his history and character as a business man, they don't ask how he could possibly do any of the nonsense he says he'll do, they don't ask how his foreign policy (or lack thereof) could possibly work. Most importantly, they don't take him to task about being a loud mouth that panders to fear and anxiety.
I've said this before, and I still believe that it's true: Journalism still exists if you're willing to look for it. The Internet offers unprecedented opportunity for it, even. However, being a journalist, fact checking and doing the work is not easy, or cheap. This is why I've always been suspect of "citizen journalism." A lot of what we label as such seems intended more to incite mobs than to find truth. Reporting is hard, issues can be complex.
The last part is where I shift responsibility away from the nebulous media, and squarely in the lap of John Q. Voter. We don't hold our media or our politicians to any standards. That a reality TV star can gain traction in a primary says as much about our culture as it does the sad state of the GOP. If we're content to watch partisan talking heads and call it "news," we're screwed. Yet people aren't interested in complexity, or nuance.
I don't know what we can do about that. Telling people that they're stupid or wrong never changed any minds. Oddly, changing your mind about something is viewed as weakness now, even though it's the very thing that makes adults be grownups. And yet, people don't want more data, they just want to believe what they want to believe. That's weird, because few things have been more freeing in my life than accepting that I don't have all of the answers.
This is one of those things that I try not to trouble myself with that much, because it's frankly a little depressing. I know people are better than that, but they're so disengaged, probably for the same reasons I am.
I know I've written about this before, but I sincerely believe that to improve the quality of work performed by the software industry, not to mention get more bodies into the field who write good code, it's critical that we spend time educating and mentoring people. I still believe that our craft has more of a blue collar aspect to it than a lot of people are willing to admit. Just as carpenters and electricians learn their skills from others, so should developers.
I've probably been more talk than anything about this for the last several years, and I tell myself that it's because there are only so many hours in the day. Like anything else, it just depends on how your prioritize your time. To that end, I'm trying to adjust those priorities within reason. At work, I've been very active in suggesting that we turn up our mentoring game, and I'm doing that with two people new to positions similar to mine. In a growing company, I feel pretty strongly that the culture and standards are best handed down, because it's hard to legislate or codify that sort of thing. In this spring's Orlando Code Camp, I'll once again speak for a couple of sessions on topical stuff. I'm doing a presentation for the next monthly user group meeting as well.
I'm not sure why this sort of thing is so hard for us, as an industry, but I suppose it might partly be because of the personality stereotypes that, well, can often ring true. Also, when you're newer to the game, you tend to concentrate more on being clever and "smart" instead of doing as little as possible to meet acceptance criteria. (Yeah, there's a difference between lazy thinking and doing as little as possible, believe it or not.) Of course, when you work in the context of crappy process, that doesn't help you hone your skills either. Being a good developer isn't a technical problem at all. Like most things, it's a people problem.
For me, it's easy to recognize that I've been fortunate enough to work in some really great teams that do stuff "right." There are a lot of core similarities in these experiences, even if the in-the-weeds execution has varied a bit. It's funny how often I come back to the Agile Manifesto, because those four points almost always settle arguments when people start to get dogmatic about the way one builds software. (For reference, I get tired of arguing about the way to phrase user story titles.)
The reality that we need to live with is that there aren't enough warm bodies to fill seats that are really good at this, unless you want to start paying them well above fair market value. So the next best thing is to help each other along. We can learn a lot from the trades.
I have always been fascinated with hair color and styling for women. I'm not sure why exactly, other than it being something that can really dramatically alter the look of someone. I only half-jokingly used to tell people that if the whole software monkey thing didn't work out, I'd learn to cut and style hair.
Probably a year ago, Diana and I saw some photos of Amy Sheppard, from the band Sheppard (they sing "Geronimo," and their cover of Lorde's "Royals" is amazing), and she had this amazing greenish-blue hair. Very rock-n-roll, and very cute. A few months ago, Diana thought it would be fun to add some colors mixed into her hair, pointing to a coworker for reference, who had blue streaks underneath her darker hair. Of course, who am I to get in the way of that? About a week ago her really excellent hair ninja added some purple and dark magenta bits. It looks really cool, and it suits her creative side. I love it.
(Sidebar: In the almost nine years I've known Diana, it's crazy how many variations she's had in her hair. Lots of different lengths, many styles, mostly curly, some straight, some highlights.)
Women have certainly been coloring their hair for a long time, or in a lot of cases bleaching it out. I've been a fan of the slightly more radical color since college, I suppose, maybe because as a DJ I fancied myself to be more rock-n-roll than I actually was. I dyed my hair lighter for a long time, because I never much liked the dull brown it was. My first wife, Stephanie, also experimented with color quite a bit (mostly black and shades of red). I notice a lot of kids with interesting hair color at Walt Disney World, and I'm glad that parents are OK with their kids trying it out. Heck, even adult women have fully embraced the color fade, and not just the pinups on Suicide Girls. I think it's neat because it's another form of expression. And for the record, I don't think it's vain, I just think it's having fun with your appearance.
I suppose I'll never go to cosmetology school, but I enjoy seeing the resulting efforts of others.
When I was a kid, my brother and I had some exclusive space in the basement to play in. It was chilly down there at times, being a 100-year-old house, but it was still a comfortable place to mess around. I used to pull the TV cart up to the side of a cheap tent and play Star Raiders on the Atari 2600. We had steel shelves that acted as high rises for everything from our stuffed animals to G.I. Joe's Cobra forces.
But there were times, periodically, when my mom would insist that we clean up. Now, understand, especially when it comes to G.I. Joe figures and vehicles, there were often battles in progress. Setting it all up the way you wanted was a lot of work. Since no one ever had to cross through that space, I couldn't understand why it had to be cleaned up other than to satisfy some desire to bring order to something viewed as disorderly.
As a parent myself now, I remind myself of this all of the time. Simon likes to spread out, and while his style of play is becoming more about pretending (finally), there's still a lot of structure and organization that he engages in, typical of ASD kids. That means "parking" a lot of cars in lines. In fact, tonight he did so separating the Hot Wheels cars from the non-Hot Wheels cars (I wish I could take credit for instilling that in him, because there is a quality difference). He has some things set up in both our front room and the living room that he considers theme park attractions. He runs cars, and now his Disney tram, from one room to the other. One of the attractions is actually a K'nex roller coaster. He uses wooden blocks to make platforms, dividers, roads, etc. It all makes sense to him.
Honestly, I think our house has more than enough room for three people, and while there are times when I feel like I need to have some living space be more orderly and grown up, I try very hard not to just arbitrarily force him to clean up. If it gets stagnant, and it usually does, I'll ask him to put stuff away, but otherwise I try hard to be zen about letting him do his thing. I dunno, maybe it's because he's an only child, maybe because his style of learning is different, maybe because his imaginative play is under-developed.
My best friend just got engaged, and she asked if I would take some engagement photos for her. Of course I said yes, but with the caveat that portrait photography is not my favorite thing. With that in mind, I figured I should get some practice first. Against my better judgment, I brought Diana and Simon out to the "waterfront" one street over. I say against my better judgment because it was about 2:30, with harsh sun. So many over-exposed frames! I wanted to wait until the "golden hour," when the sun was solidly behind our row of houses but still casting a warm glow about, but my darling wife had to be off to work.
I snapped off 120 or so shots, and predictably, the sun made exposure difficult. The only "safe" place for them was in the shadow of a tree with the water or horizon in the background, and even that tended to be a little rough. But whatever, that's why I wanted to do some shooting. It's not that I don't remember my rules or experience, I just tend to disregard them because I don't consistently get in the right mindset. (Notably, I have the same issue shooting video.)
Having a beautiful wife and a cute kid fortunately makes it a little easier to overlook the technical mess, but we'll definitely get out and do it again some time soon. Diana recently had some color added to her hair, and I did want to get it while it was still fresh (those saturated colors tend to fade quickly). Simon has been growing like a weed, and I feel like I'm going to miss something if I don't get more snaps of him.
I love candid photography, shot in more of a journalistic style, because you capture more genuine moments, I think. That's why I asked my friend Tyler to shoot our wedding, and the results were fantastic. He actually had portrait experience, and experimented quite a bit at home with excellent results, and combined with a run-and-gun scenario, he did an amazing job.
I actually shot one of my best friend's charity events for the Community Food & Outreach Center, their Quack Attack 5K, and had a lot of fun doing that. Plenty to see capture there! I was pretty disappointed with a bunch of under-exposure on that one, so I suppose it all balances out.
Still, I'm really hard on myself on technical quality. Composition has always come easy to me, but exposure problems, soft focus, etc., bothers me to no end because I know how to avoid it. Fortunately, I live my subjects, and I can do it again soon.
Over the Christmas break I ported this blog app from the somewhat messy version it was in 2009. It was based on the first version of MVC, and I wanted to get to the new, but not final version. There is still work to be done...
Importantly though, I have a lot of notes for my next ONETUG talk coming up in about three weeks and I can start putting that presentation together. It's kind of a win-loss situation, in that I can only cover so much in an hour, and I can only cover so much in an hour. Since the topic is about finding the new stuff in these new projects and frameworks, I can prioritize and hit what I think the audience will want most.
(In the interest of full disclosure, I did a short contract through work for Feld Entertainment, the parent company of the Ringling Bros. Circus. I had no contact with anyone who worked directly on the show. I also worked as a contract employee for a year at SeaWorld Parks & Entertainment at the corporate level, and naturally I had exposure to many parts of the enterprise. While this doesn't form the basis of my opinion, it certainly contributes to it.)
The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus was in town this weekend, so I thought it would be fun to see the show with my little family. I imagine the last time I saw it was probably more than 30 years ago, as I was pretty young. What we did see appeared to be pretty much the same show from my childhood, with the globe of steel, the elephants, the lions and tigers, the fire jugglers, the people loading up on bicycles, etc. Unfortunately, Simon just wasn't that into it, and after falling into the row in front of us, we bailed at the intermission. Kind of sad we missed the trapeze folks, but it is what it is. I'm 0 for 2 on arena events with him.
The circus has been in the news lately because they're going to retire the elephants from the show about 18 months sooner than they originally announced. They're done in May. Naturally, there were people outside protesting, with signs about "slavery" and mistreatment and such. As you would also expect, they weren't changing any minds about people coming to see the show (and I happen to find the use of "slavery" offensive because it trivializes the greatest civil rights travesty in our history).
Here's the problem with the activists that protest the circus and SeaWorld: They confuse the moral issues of keeping animals in captivity with allegations of mistreatment. Rather, they back up the former with the latter, because naturally they can evoke more of an emotional response. In the case of SeaWorld, any allegations brought up by Blackfish, a propaganda film, not a documentary, have been pretty thoroughly discredited. As for the circus, the ASPCA ended up paying out more than $9 million to the circus owners for their false allegations about the treatment of the elephants.
So once you take treatment out of the conversation, you're left with the moral argument about whether or not the animals should be held captive, with the additional nuance about whether or not it's OK to do so for profit. It's the nuance about profit that a lot of people express concern. Animals have been captive for profit motives for all of human history, sometimes to do work for us, and most often because we eat them. No one protests grocery stores or restaurants. Or the Amish, who still use horses for farm work. Perhaps there is something about the entertainment angle that people take issue with.
I'll be honest, I understand the argument against captive animals performing. I'm just not sure that equate it with something nefarious going on. They get extraordinary medical care, consistent diets and zero threat from predators. I haven't met the people caring for the circus animals, but I have met those that care for SeaWorld's and they are amazing people. I had a chance to do a backstage tour at Disney's Animal Kingdom as well, and they're equally committed to the animals. In fact, both theme park organizations here in Florida are deeply involved in rescue scenarios ranging from turtles to foxes to manatees. They're the only entities qualified or well funded enough to do this work.
When you take away the question of whether or not they're well cared for, I'm even less inclined to take the side of activists. I'm more inclined to look at the role of conservation in the bigger picture, because it can only occur in one of two ways: With government or with corporations. Conservation has never really been a something a non-profit can achieve on a large scale, so while it might be an inconvenient truth, corporations are better able to act on those efforts. As someone who grew up near a SeaWorld park (the one that used to exist in Ohio), I would go as far as to say that "save the whales" wouldn't even be a thing were it not for SeaWorld. There's a lot of irony in that.
A former coworker of mine really let me have it for taking the side of zoos and aquariums in an online discussion. He made it very personal, suggesting that I simply had not evolved. Quite the contrary, I think this is yet another issue where taking an extreme, one-sided view is intellectually dishonest and does not land anyone in a land of moral truth. Even if you believe that it comes at the "expense" of animals in captivity, I think it's a reasonable trade for the conservation and awareness that comes with it.
There was a discussion I was reading online about how humility is almost completely absent from politics. In fact, it seems to be somewhat absent from American culture in general. We have a tendency to wave flags and boast, while McMansions, cars and designer handbags become a point for the status obsessed and materialistic. I don't know how things got that way, but I don't care for it.
Why is this on my mind? In part because I don't want my kid to learn this behavior. I know he doesn't realize it yet, but he's pretty well off. He gets to visit Walt Disney World all of the time, and cost is no object when it comes to getting him the therapy he needs. He's got a good thing going. There have been some discussions lately on CoasterBuzz about whether or not Disney caters to the well-off, or who can afford to go, which made me think even more about Simon's sense of reality. (Sidebar: I never thought about it, but annual passes for the three of us are cheaper than the total cost of a us coming from out of town to stay and eat there for a week. It's not even close.)
Being kind and looking out for other people, to me, is what makes a good human being. It's not easy to be like that all of the time, but it's definitely something that has to be learned early in life. We're trying our best to keep that sort of thing on his radar. We explain to him our involvement in charity work, though giving time is easier than explaining money donation to him. Of course there's the whole sharing thing that you try to get every kid to do. We also explain to him that toys he no longer plays with should be given to other children, though we haven't been consistent about that. He likes to talk a lot about our car, but fortunately I think he does it because technology is interesting to him (same reason we bought it).
I will try not to overthink it, but our boy is at the age now where he's smart enough to observe and adopt behavior. Man, it was easier, if more tiresome, in the days when you just had to feed him and wipe his butt!
It was just about two years ago that we received an official autism spectrum disorder diagnosis for Simon. As I said then, it wasn't surprising or alarming, but it was a starting point to make sure that he was getting what he needed in terms of therapy. We're lucky that there was never any suggestion that he was likely to suffer from significantly reduced function.
So far, things have panned out better than I expected. He was able to start kindergarten on time, and academically he is thriving. Socially, he's having a difficult time making friends, but he's a sweet kid and is getting better at expressing his emotions. It's some of the social contracts, especially around hierarchy and responsibility, that can be a struggle, but I think those will come around as well.
I credit Diana with his progress more than anyone, because she has always been so proactive around making sure he gets what he needs. Second, I credit his amazing teachers. The double pre-K might have been a big time commitment for him, but the results have been fantastic. The ABA therapist he had the first time around was great. The OT therapy we send him to now has been excellent as well. A lot of experts have made an extraordinary difference in his life.
ASD doesn't go away, and it's never "cured," but you hope to train the kid in the coping strategies that allow him to coexist with the "neurotypicals." I have little doubt that he'll get there, but I can see through my own experience that he will probably struggle a little. There's no question in my mind that child me living today would have had the same diagnosis, because I see so much of myself in him.
I'm proud of my little man. He's a charming little boy, very smart, and very kind. He's got this.
It was a rough week at Puzzoni World Headquarters. Diana started the week with probably her worst BPPV attack ever. You know it's bad news when you find your wife crawling around and trying to stop the world from moving, when it's actually still. This flavor of vertigo is entirely mechanical (and we've attempted the Epley Maneuver to right it), and it's not like the symptoms she was battling a few months ago caused by a combination of headaches, hormones and muscle pain. A few years ago we learned all about vertigo and the many ways it can affect her, and this was very plainly the BPPV version.
She started to feel relatively human by Wednesday, after a whole lot of going nowhere, but even today, she wasn't comfortable enough to drive to a hair appointment. I saw a lot of the inside of Publix this week, assumed bus stop duty, etc. Somehow I managed to still bill 40 hours at work, and put in extra time for my mentoring responsibilities. Go me.
Simon woke up early complaining about hurting ears, and by early afternoon it was clear that he wasn't well. I don't recall any time since he had pneumonia, shortly after turning 2, that he has been so lethargic, quiet and generally disinterested in the world. It's kind of heartbreaking to see that. If that weren't bad enough, anxiety about the doctor, and some kind of connection that medicine causes throwing up, has had him heaving up mostly water starting at the doctor. In any case, he's rolling with an ear infection, and he's miserable.
I'm not used to taking care of everyone, but you've gotta get it done. I just want my little unit to be feeling like themselves again. Hopefully tomorrow is better. My biggest concern now is that I feel suboptimal, so here's hoping that's short-lived. I got through December without so much as a cold, and that's pretty unusual.
As someone who often dismisses social contracts that seem stupid or pointless, I'm guilty as anyone for making small talk about the weather. However, perhaps it's not entirely unreasonable to engage in such chit chat, because it really does tend to affect our lives in very fundamental ways, every single day.
I strongly believe that I suffered from seasonal affective disorder, probably for the 30-something years I lived in Cleveland. I didn't really start to think about it until I was seeing a therapist post-divorce. I made jokes about it for years prior, but as I was thinking about my life and what I wanted it to be, it started to occur to me that maybe I had a legitimate problem. I spent a lot of winter being lethargic and feeling crappy, with the short days and weeks of uninterrupted, flat gray cloudy skies. What should have tipped me off was the extraordinary energy I felt on a sunny day in January, no matter how cold it was.
Believe it or not, moving to Seattle pretty much confirmed it for me. The summers there are pretty much sunny and 76 every day, while the early parts of winter are very rainy (let's call it misty) on a consistent basis. But there is a fundamental difference in the two winters I lived there. One, the world doesn't appear dead because of the dominance of evergreen trees everywhere. Two, the flat gray sky was never a thing, and it seemed like we would see the sun most days living in the slightly higher elevation closer to the Cascades. It seemed like I would frequently find more clouds in Redmond and come home to sun in Snoqualmie. I guess what I'm getting at is that the Seattle weather stereotype is nonsense, and me getting all lethargic there was rare.
For the two winters we spent back in Cleveland, this only confirmed how shitty it was, and what it did to me. Regretting the move back there likely didn't help, but it was clear by the second winter that we had to get the hell out of that area before the next year. In that context, it shouldn't be surprising that we ended up in Florida.
What got me to thinking about this was the unusual series of days with Cleveland-like skies in the last two weeks. The cooler weather is to be expected (although we had some silly 80+ days around Christmas), but it usually isn't so cloudy for so long. It hasn't brought me down exactly, but I do find myself wanting to hibernate and sit around more. I'm thankful that it will be more sunny over the next week. I don't know how I "survived" for so many years up north.