After today's electric go-kart outing for the dev team, I split and headed out to nail down some errands. Heading back to the office for an hour would have been pretty pointless unfortunately. It feels shitty, but I'm not contributing much at work right now. I can't tune in. I guess on the up side, there are a lot of events going on internally, so at least I'm getting my knowledge (and team building) on, even if I'm not writing the next great piece of software.
But at least with the errands (and a rewarding burrito), and some stuff around the house, I feel like I'm making progress in preparation for the boy, and our guests. That's strange to think about that we're adding to the family and having people over. I need to remember that our obligation is not to entertain them, but to accept their help as needed. But you still don't want them wallowing in a dump of an apartment.
Tomorrow we'll pick them up from the airport, and I'm also planning to sneak in a hair cut (it's been almost five months). With that, I feel like some of the anxiety has been lifted. Really, it's just the surgery and immediate recovery that stresses me at this point. That fills my mind quite a bit. If the baby is healthy, really the terror for me should be over by then.
Meanwhile, Diana is definitely at a breaking point, literally. She can't really drive anymore, and she's getting all kinds of new pain and soreness she's never had before. He hasn't dropped lower, but her body is clearly prepping for birth, and that adds to the anxiety because I worry he might want out early. It doesn't matter how routine this is, because it's not routine for us.
Diana is also trying too hard to be accommodating. She's sleeping on the spare bed because she can flop around more freely, surrounded by supporting pillows, yet feels bad that she's not sleeping with me. She's even been saying that if the hospital situation sucks that I should go home to sleep. And she's not creating some bullshit test for me or anything, she's actually thinking of my comfort. How f'd up is that? I'm thankful that I have a wife who doesn't treat every action as a measure of how much I love her, but I'm certainly not going to leave her and my new child alone in the hospital the first night.
So I'm taking a floating holiday on Friday, and then the four weeks of leave. That'll put me back to work on April 5 (day after our first anniversary, holy crap), by which time I suspect I'll be anxious to get back. I already feel like I'm going to be missing something important.
Three nights to go after tonight.
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