So stuck in my head, and other musings

posted by Jeff | Thursday, November 1, 2007, 12:54 AM | comments: 0

My head, to put it bluntly, has really been fucking with me lately. I find myself being all stressed out and anxious for no apparent reason. I'm having scary dreams and can't relax.

It doesn't make much sense because, for the most part, I'd say that my life is pretty sweet in most cases. But my issues with security, safety and general risk aversion weigh heavy on my subconscious. It's annoying.

One thing I am pressuring myself over is CoasterBuzz. I really want the new site done and out there. I've put a lot of pressure on myself over it because it's been something I've put off for literally years. The last update was almost four years ago. That's sad. My perception of myself is that I can't finish anything, and if I can't do that, how will I make my million for retirement on my own terms?

Eating causes a lot of anxiety for me too, because I do too much of it. I feel like I'm starting to bring that under control, but it's really hard when I find myself being hungry, or looking to counter the anxiety with the comfort of food. I'm trying to get my head back to 2005 to understand what I did to really get my head in a good place, without piercing something, if possible. I do remember that I wasn't working a day job during that second half of 2005, but right now that's not an option.

In other news, I ordered some new business cards online tonight. I've been using the same crappy cards from Kinkos for six years and they blow. Oh how the Internet has come along. Create Photoshop file, upload, order, done. $50 with shipping for 1,000, as if I'll ever need them all.

My connectivity issue on my MacBook Pro I have discovered is power related. Namely, when I'm plugged in, the wireless works fine. Unplug, and it struggles. The signal strength looks good, but it fails to do any actual data transfer after awhile. At my house it just stops working, at Diana's it just gets unbearably slow. Weird though how it seems to work just fine at airports and Buffalo Wild Wings. My router, a Vonage enabled Linksys, is apparently pretty notorious for being shitty. This problem came long before Leopard.


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