I talk a lot about how Simon is doing, but I thought it would be interesting to talk about how his parents are doing. For the record, he had a doctor visit today, and aside from his baby acne and way, way above average size and eating habits, he's "perfect," as the doctor puts it. In addition to being physically advanced, I swear he's doing other developmentally advanced things like smiling already, but that might be my imagination.
Diana is generally doing well, and like most new moms I suspect, always feeling that she's not doing enough for him. She tends to measure her adequacy on her ability to calm him and vanquish crying, and there are times where no amount of love can stop that, unfortunately. Physically, she's had some strange pains, is still bleeding (normally) and her incision looks damn good. She also seems to be falling into a much better sleep rhythm than I am. She doesn't seem nearly as tired as often, and is squeezing in leisure activities like knitting and surfing for porn. (And for the hundredth fucking time, "surfing for porn" is a figure of speech, referring to the relative low value of content on the Internet. She's not looking at naked people.)
One of the things I was thinking about recently is how well we work together when working with Simon. I don't think anyone thinks about how well they'd work with someone as a parent when they're dating, and wow is that scary shit. I don't care if it sounds like bragging, we've got our shit together, and we're like a machine. We just work. And I don't believe there's much margin for error here. I think the slightest bit of toxicity in a relationship would make raising a child, especially in the first few years, a train wreck. We know people dating today who have trust, maturity, manipulation, guilt and other toxic issues that would be bad for them and bad for a kid. If your'e shopping for a spouse, you've gotta ask yourself, is this person someone I could work with under those intense circumstances. If not, move on. Your future child will thank you.
As for me, I'm having sleep issues. Last night, or this morning rather, I finally got to sleep around 5 a.m. That sucked. I went down tonight at 11, and got back up. I figure, any time not 5 is an improvement. I just can't turn my brain off, and I'm not even sure what it's thinking about. It's very frustrating, because I don't like sleeping until 10 or noon. Plus, when I'm really out in the morning, Diana assumes exclusive Simon duty, which isn't fair.
I think some of what's on my brain is just thinking about the big picture stuff. Not in a stressful way, really, just me scheming. How do I get rid of my house (because God knows Realtors add no f'ing value at all in this market), am I investing and saving enough, what does Simon need short and long term, what would we do if Diana wants to return to work, where can I get reflective privacy film for my apartment windows, etc. Again, none of this is stuff that stresses me out, it's just stuff I wanna think about.
I'm also very much looking forward to going back to work. I feel like I can really make meaningful engagement without some huge life event on the horizon. I felt so useless the last two or three weeks before, constantly distracted. Now Simon is here, he's not going anywhere, and work can be more routine. It'll be an adjustment for both of us, Diana getting EST all day, and me getting to see him less, but he actually creates a higher purpose for me to be there. I was kind of energized by my mid-year review because we talked a bit about what kinds of things I might do in years to come. (Obviously not much to talk about in terms of my own job performance at this point.)
I do have this strange desire to buy a new car, which is so not me. I think it's me trying to make up for the fact that I dislike apartment life, and I just want something nice that's for me. And yeah, I still very much want a Prius. I hear they really take off. ;)
Today, after a major spit-up event that drenched us both, Simon and I had to disrobe down to the undies, and while calming him down, he fell asleep on me. Dads don't get those opportunities as much as moms, but it was nice to feel that closeness, with his breath on my shoulder and his desire to cuddle in to my neck. I still can't believe we created that little guy, and we need to work really hard to enjoy these moments with him being tiny. They won't last much longer.