I learned today that a girl I went to high school with died this morning after a long fight with cancer. She was presumably about 31.
Katie was one of the most fun people I knew in high school. I had a crush on her at one point (she played volleyball, and I liked a number of the girls at various points). The thing I remember most about her is that she was always kind to everyone, even as she became more and more popular throughout school. She wasn't too good to talk to anyone. While I haven't talked to her in years, there's little doubt in my mind that she was a good person.
Your brain will go crazy trying to rationalize why shit like this happens to good people. It's just one of those things that happen in the world. Getting angry or bitter about it is not particularly helpful. Life is what it is, and part of it is death. That's just a fact you can't control.
What you can do is take these kinds of events as a reminder to get your head out of your fucking ass and look around to see just how much life can offer. I have to admit that I was not having a good day, pretty much from the time my alarm went off. The reasons are many and varied, but I just felt shitty.
I guess now I feel like I need to get over it and get my shit together. There are a lot of exciting things coming up in my life, I have a lot of things to do and enjoy and there are people out there who really care about me (and that I like to care for). The world is a pretty cool place if you allow it to be.
Katie was kick ass. I can't think about her in the state she was in for the last few years, but I do remember very vividly the way she was. I feel like I owe it to her memory to do what I have to do to not wallow in my own misery, or settle for anything less than what I deserve in life. I could be next.